Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Had a weird dream the other night...

I was drowning in my bathtub. It was one of those old urban legend stories you heard around the beer tub in university. I'd somehow passed-out and my hair had clogged the drain and the water was over my head.

But fear not! I turned off the faucet and then splashed and pushed the water out until I could breathe and then I reached back and held my hair and pulled it out of the drain. It tore and ripped, but didn't pull off my scalp and I didn't drown.

Here's the weird part. It was me doing this, but I felt nothing. I was watching from above like I was standing beside the tub looking down. The me in the tub couldn't see me but I was there. I felt no fear, no terror - nothing! It was like I was watching it happen on TV or something.

It's the weirdest thing! Am I *that* separated from my own feelings? Is the notion of feeling anything so foreign to me that it's nothing more than academic to me now?

I actually find it kind of disturbing.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Dear Mr. Holder

You anger me.

You are *NOT* an "average" American.

Neither am I.

I am not a coward.

Out of the two of us, one is NOT living in the past.

It's not you.

We are of different generations - and I am of a different generation than those of all races who deified Obama through the election process.

My generation is sick of hearing about it.

The next generation doesn't get what you're talking about - the civil rights movement is as much history to them as World War II.

There is still racism.

No one race is singularly guilty of being racist.

It's not ok for anyone to be racist even if white folks "don't understand black anger".

Just because I didn't vote for a certain candidate during the primaries doesn't mean I'm racist against him. Maybe, just maybe it was because I didn't think he had the experience needed yet. Maybe I wanted to vote for him in 8 years once he had even a little bit of international experience.

And CNN? It also doesn't mean that I'm "subconsciously racist" either.

It offends me when it's ok for the official blessing during the inauguration prayed for "black to get back, red man to get ahead man, yellow to be mellow" all positive wishes I guess if not vaguely racist, while the prayer for "white" was to "do what's right" which is confrontational and accusing.

It offends me when you call me a coward because I disagree with you that everyone needs to talk incessantly about Race.

Grow up and snap out of it and smell the fact that it's been more than FORTY YEARS since the civil rights movement. It worked. You have a couple of generations since who have grown up learning and internalising the lesson that race doesn't matter. We're not living in a utopia yet - but we're in a different world than the one you grew up in. Stop blaming me for things that happened before I was born.

Maybe it won't be completely a non issue until your generation dies off or is safely ensconced in senior homes where the rest of us don't have to hear from you any more.

Calling me a coward because I don't see the need to constantly harp on the past is not productive.

Please shut up.


An angry Citizen.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Fibromyalgia sucks ass

And all kinds of other things. For serious.

I'd really like to be able to sleep more than in the mornings. I can't wake up in the morning. I have three different alarm clocks going off at seven different times over a half hour period - and I still manage to hit snooze on all of them for up to two hours without actually waking up. Meanwhile I'm unable to sleep at night when I want to.

Still, I've got a great new computer at my great job and I actually started writing a little again (though I've misplaced a couple of notebooks full of writing and it's stressing me out because I know I've seen them recently!)

Anyway, on balance, I'm happy so I call it win!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

How my younger cat helps me write

Or, you know, not... He is awfully cute though...

Oh, and pay no attention to the evidence of my serious caffeine addiction

Monday, February 09, 2009

It's been AGES!!!

So, I moved from Washington State - an island off the coast of Washington State to the middle of Alberta, Canada in November and started a new job at the end of November. Slowly settling in and getting in the swing of things - and getting used to being back in Canada again! It's been a while since I lived north of the border...

Actually, I feel very much like a foreigner surprisingly. I was born in Canada and grew up and lived in Canada until I was nearly 25 - but I've lived 11 of the last 13 years in the States and really, 25 is still a kid so I've really lived almost all of my adult life in the States.

I never would have believed that I would feel so much like a foreigner in the country of my birth... but I kinda do. Not in a bad way really - it's just an adjustment.

Still, it's beautiful here:

So I can't complain.

Now if only I could start reading and writing again. The muse left me when I moved west in 2005 and I haven't found her again yet.

It'll come. I have faith.